you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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