I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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