i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
