Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
