I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
