i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
