I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My vagina is officially offended.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
