right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
