I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
