and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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