yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
