Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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