9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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