Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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