when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
