I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
