At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am never drinking with the goths again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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