Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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