Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
