he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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