My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
