doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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