We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
