Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
