fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
