He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
