Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize