what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
