Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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