So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like a drive thru vagina
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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