there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Green mimosas i think yes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
