not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
