Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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