Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize