Need sex. Gaining weight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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