Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
third nipple confirmed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
