He had one of those small greek statue penises
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
