So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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