I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
