When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
