I love black thongs
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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