I'm eating all of the evidence.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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