Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
