Your dad touched me again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
