No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
