my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
soo... how was my night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
