Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
