It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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