Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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