So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
