the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
