he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
