JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
