Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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