Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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