Who wears a wallet chain?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I understand Curling. That high.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
