someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
