listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
