6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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