dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
