She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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