I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
