New invention idea: vibrating tampons
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
