Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
