I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
