she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
