So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
