if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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