You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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