Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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