I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
