She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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