I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
