yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I faked an abortion last night.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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