she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
4 words: hood of his car
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
